Doubt, Fear, and Impediments.
This fear is due to the first shock of wisdom, of light. It is as if this room is closed for the last twenty years, and you enter this dark room with a torch in hand to locate the light switch. This darkness has been established for twenty years. Instantly the light is there. The darkness is confused. Fear of disappearance is there.
After twenty years of darkness how much time should it take when you face the light? What has happened? Fear in the mind of darkness. In an instant it cannot be there when you face the light. The darkness of the room does not go in installments. You think you have been here for twenty years in darkness. That fear is ingrained in you. You have been living for millions of years like this, millions of years.
This fear of facing the light is not a fear like other fears. This is a fear of eternity. Eternal ocean of nectar, and you are swimming holding onto darkness.
Somehow you get a push, or you intend to jump into the ocean of immortality yourself. In between leaving this place of darkness and the leap, fear arises.
Without touching the light and after leaving the darkness, you can neither return back nor have you yet touched the surface. In this instant there is what can be called fear. Fear to leap into eternity because “I will lose this body consciousness, this darkness.” This is only the fear of facing the light. You will
become nectar itself, no death at all.
I have an impediment. This impediment is a doubt and it keeps me from loving you fully. It is giving me a headache.
What kind of headache do you have? There are two kinds